The Soft Return
- Aug 15
- 4 min read
Hello!!! Long time no see… You haven’t seen me in a while, and I wanted to share what’s been going on with me in a more personal way. I’ve been away from socials because of illness. These last few weeks, I’ve been focused on healing and getting stronger. It started maybe six months ago, possibly longer. I’d been dealing with strange physical ailments and complications that didn’t seem so bad at first, but over time they started affecting my day to day life in a very real way. I didn’t know what was happening to me. I saw numerous doctors and specialist, had so many tests done and as time went on my health and strength declined. I powered through anyway because that’s what we are taught to do. All the toxic turn phrases you can think of…well…I did and said to myself! “No pain no gain.” “We gotta do what we gotta do.” I’ll rest when I’m dead.” For months, I kept pushing because that’s what our society tells us…if we aren’t killing ourselves, we must not want it bad enough. We learn early on that rest is a luxury but being that sick took its toll on my body and spirit. That’s not even including the frustration of not having any answers for months.
Eventually, all that pushing caught up with me.
I spent a good couple of months barely functioning and pushing myself anyway. I wasn’t listening to my body; I was just powering through it. My family and friends knew what I had been going through and even some of my regular clients knew. I traveled to Washington a few times a year to tattoo at my OG shop in Olympia, and I pushed myself to go this past June like I had been doing for the past few years. I was just trying to power through it and finally it came to a head. I had the heartbreaking realization that I couldn’t continue, so I canceled the second half of my trip and came home early for surgery because I had finally gotten answers. (Longer story short…unknowingly I had been having severe gallbladder attacks. I found out I had numerous gallstones and my gallbladder was inflamed and apparently not working. And because of the attacks I was unintentionally starving myself because most food hurt me in some capacity. So, removal was necessary.)
You can imagine how bad I felt having to cancel work because of my condition…the feelings of letting my clients down, failing, and not being able to meet my financial goals because of this stupid health thing that I had no control over. It’s the thing most tattoo artist dread…when you don’t work, you can’t pay your bills. I am fortunate to have a supportive partner, and although this set back did impact me financially and I had to put holds on some of my goals, I also felt so bad for my clients who had waited and invested in me, only for me to cancel on them. It was a very hard decision to make, but a necessary one. I have an amazingly supportive clientele base and I’m so grateful for that. A few friends helped me come to my final decision because it was what was best for both me and my clients.
This was such an important lesson for me. And I feel like the universe has to be extra with me sometimes because I’m stubborn and I just want to take care of everyone. But in this moment, I learned some valuable lessons about self care, inner strength and how to move forward with compassion not only for others but for myself.
In this
industry, all it takes is an injury or illness to throw a wrench into our life, our schedule, and our goals, and then we spend months playing catchup. I am playing catchup in more ways than one. My body needs time to recover, and my soul needs to rest and digest. This reminded me that I can’t give my best to my clients if I’m not give my best to myself. I know, it sounds cheesy.
So, moving forward, I’ll be doing things a little differently to give myself the work life balance I need and to give my clients what they deserve. I’ll be taking a long look at the personal investments I make as a traveling tattoo artist. Traveling for work takes a lot of discipline, self-awareness and financial investment, especially with the added cost of licenses and insurance in multiple states. My physical health and well-being are going to take priority as I continue to recover and heal. I will be adjusting my practice to better take care of myself. I will also be more intentional about the projects I take on. I will always prioritize ongoing projects, but I will be selective about the kinds of new projects I accept.
Something else I will be prioritizing is my personal art practice. I’ve neglected my art for too long. It fills my cup, and that is one of the best ways I can continue to create amazing connections and grow as a tattoo artist.
Just know that I will be getting back to work soon. I’m taking it day by day as I build enough strength to travel for work again. In the meantime, keep an eye out because I will be posting more about my future booking dates back in Olympia, Washington. For now, I know it will be in October. I will be confirming those dates soon, and I will be reaching out to everyone with in progress work and everyone I had to cancel on back in June.
You can always reach out to me through email if you have questions about my booking process. I do everything through email now. All inquiries are through email. I am usually able to respond with in 7-10 days.
Thank you for being here and taking the time to see what has been occupying my life lately.
Love and Light!
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